Just forget it sonia. He was not meant to be yours. He didnot deserve you. Ashwin said, holding my hand, while i rested my head on his shoulder. My mind wanted to stop, but my heart wanted to cry more.
But how can he do this to me ashwin?? how can he...... I bit my lips, still remembering that last phone call on 7th of january. Caleb speaking to me with the same voice i had fallen for......exactly four months ago. But his voice missed the love and the sweetness he had for me. He was talking gibberish that i could barely believe. as i kept the phone tucked to my ear, too confused to even fight with him, while he was busy slicing and shattering my heart to pieces....
It was all a game for him......all fake..i said still weeping, wiping my face every now and then. I'm the fool. I love....loved him madly, i had never even thought.....i just kept hoping...even after he told me that he doesnt want me.....that he'll surely understand and he really loves me. He'll call me up and tell me......Baby, iam sorry. Please come back. But he....
I broke....all the more. By now i was crying like a two year old kid, hiding my face cupped with my hands.
Sonia, you need to come out of this. He was nothing more than a jerk. Just because his family requires a christian girl, he will keep searching for true love entire his life...which he already lost.
Ashwin was trying to console me as much as he could. I saw an angel in him, who was there with me at that time. I was still crying, felt like couldnt breathe.....and my heart never felt heavier before.
But caleb and sonia were meant to be for each other, he used to love me so much. Its all gone now. Why the fuck did i love him completely??why....? will i be able to love anyone else like this??? i said holding onto his sleeves which had also gone wet now by my tears.
Ashwin, please get caleb back for me......am dying without him. I sobbed more and more, while he watched me and my stupid love for a guy who was already with someone else.
Sonia, i know how hard it is...but there's no use shedding tears for such a guy. You will have to forget him. He is a guy, who is blind....that he could never see your true love. He is also deaf...that he could never hear your heartbeats which were only for him. More that that, he will also be dumb the day he realizes your worth, but wont be able to do anything about it.
I felt as if i could cry the whole day. But those tears could never wash away the love i had for caleb. My love was still fresh as a dew...
Ashwin wiped my tear and i looked at him deep in his eyes, just wishing that it was caleb instead of him. He got up, and came back after 5mins, with a glass of water in his hand. There i was sitting with a guy about whom girls go gaga about. I saw his guitar, which he had promised to teach me. I was there beside one of the hansome hunks in the city, both alone in the room....girls would die for that moment and i was there with him, thinking and praying about a guy who was 2000km away from me. I was still observing his room, when he came back.
Here...have this, he said....while he held me again in his arms. I drank the whole water stupidly, with few drops flowing from the corner of my lips. As if been thirsty since ages. But my heart knew what i wanted. It was caleb's voice, his kisses, his everything. Just him.
You alright???? ashwin asked again,, when he knew i was not.
I think i am alive- i said, knowing my heart was dead without caleb.
Ashwin,, what should i do for him??? wont he ever come back to me now....does he really doesnt want me?......shall i go to chennai for him??? !! i bit my lips harder, trying to control my tears as much as possible.....but couldnt.
Whats wrong with you sonia???? there's no need to sacrifice your biggest dream, just for that asshole. I know you hate that place. You have already done so much for him, which he hardly values. If there's a day i meet him, i would surely break his fucking jaw and ask him that--- is he ever gonna get a girl, who has sacrificed so much for him. Will he ever get a girl, who loved only green foods....went onto become a total non-vegetarian for him Or someone who just went against her own family, her friends, her own self......just for him, Or someone who tried to change herself completely, so that she could just be perfect for him............., and more than everthing, is that bastard ever gonna get a girl, who cleaned some other females's fucking menses for him?. Sonia he will never be able to understand you....or your love....he is such a.....
Stop it Ashwin....just stop it. I cannot hear all this. I dont need to keep a account of things i did for him, it was all my love.........pure love. I was crying again, thinking to myself how could i love someone so madly and deeply.
I know you want to forget him dear. But you're not able to.He said and touched my cheek with the back of his hand. He was moving it so gently, exactly the way i had dreamt it with caleb. Sonia.......do you know how beautiful you are??? both from inside as well as outside.You dont need a guy like caleb to tell you all that.
I felt as if i was choking and lay there half dead in his arms, trying to believe that caleb is no more there for me and praying that he would just come and love me once again. I know i was acting hyperactively or hysterially or whatever. Ashwin was being really sweet to try to console me or rather help me come out of it. But i had started feeling a bit strained.
His hand was ruffling through my hair by now. I was in love with you too sonia. But you never noticed me, while caleb was on the way. Now look what he has done to you. Ashwin said holding my hand tightly. I was too shocked to respond anything for a moment, but then stuttered out..... but you are only my good friend.
Enough sonia.....you have to forget him. Just get him out of your life, and for that you need to love someone else. Here you are, sitting and crying over him.....and he might not be thinking about you.
That couldnt be true.....he might be missing me too....i said.
ssshhh.....he kept his finger on my lips, looking deeply into my eyes, regretting he couldnt see himself there. i spoke again- But.....ashwin...i...im...still waiting for him.....and you....
Dont say anything, am i not the guy you had been waiting for sonia?? if caleb woudnt have been there in your life, we would have been a couple by now. Yaa.....but ....i was beginning to say something, when his left hand went behind my neck, playing with my hair and with his right hand, he was moving his fingers over my face.
Suddenly he leaned over and kissed me on my tear stained cheek. I was too surprised to say anything, too shocked to react immediately, and before i knew what was happening, i felt something wet moving over my lips. He was licking my lower lip all the more passionately, while i sat there numb. I tried to push him back, but my hands felt paralysed. I wanted to twist and turn my face away from him. But he wasnt letting me. Few seconds later, he released me slowly, knowing i wanted t say something.
Sonia....you feeling good???? this will help you forget him. He could see my eyes filled with tears again and i wanted to push him back.I tried to speak something.
But i.......i still love cal....ummmmpphh.....we kissed again. He stopped me from completing,and this time my lips were moving too. I just closed my eyes tight, trying to figure out what was happening. Maybe it was someone else's top he had just opened....or someone else's neck he was biting on....while i was moaning with pain or someone else's mouth he was pushing his toungue into........or someone else's back his fingers were crawling on.....
Ashwin drew back when he felt i was crying profusely. I was not in my senses. I clutched onto his shirt tightly, which i could tore apart any moment with my long nails. I was digging myself in his arms. He looked at me again and kissed me on my forehead.
Dont cry sonia.......please dont cry.....i love you so much. I will always keep you happy. Believe me. You 're mine sonia.....and am only yours.
I kept crying, maybe because i wanted caleb.....that very moment. I wanted caleb to kiss me....not Ashwin. I didnt want to talk to him, nor be with him. I only wanted caleb. I had just lost myself and wanted to run back home. Ashwin saw me crying to the maximum i could.
Look at yourself sonia.....youve become a cry baby. Dont do this to yourself please. Am not like caleb. I cant even think of ever leaving you. Trust me.
I released myself and he knew i wanted to drift apart.
Come...lets go. I'll drop you back. You should just hop onto bed and have a nice sleep. Take some rest ok. He walked, and i followed him like a robot whom he was controlling. He opened up the door of his car for me and i sat in thinking wht would happen next, having jitters in my stomach. Hopefully nothing happened. We spoke nothing inside the car or maybe he did say something, but i was too unconsious to hear that. We reached outside my home, and i just wanted to run away from there as fast as i could. I opeend up the stupid door handle and stumbled out. He came out to see me off. I started walking, without even glancing at him once.
Sonia....he called me from behind.I stopped and turned back to look at him. He had the same expression on his face....when we were making out.....or rather...only he was !!
You'll be fine naa...just take care of yourself. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you baby.... he said.
Please dont call me baby. Only caleb can call me that. I shot back.
H e took my hand in his hand was about to kiss the palm, when i held it back immediately.
But i'll make you forget him. he said. I love you sonia......and i will.....always. Goodnight.
I was too tired to think of even a single word to say, just stood there watching him as he started off his newly bought black coloured Honda City, and sped off into the dark.
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